Monday, November 29, 2010

Coats, Letters, Food and Laughter- - -

Just 10 days after I posted the open note to him it finally happened.  Calvin asked me to be his girlfriend.  I said yes!

We had BIG plans for Saturday, November 27th.  This was the day that we planned to go to my favorite restaurant, P.F. Changs, and then see Mike Epps' comedy show.  Before we would head to the restaurant, we decided to play the Wii.  We got caught up in the game and were a little late getting to the restaurant.  This whole time he seemed a bit agitated and irritable so I tried not to say much.  The last thing I wanted was for him to have an attitude and rain on the plans we made for the day.  He said he was just hungry though and soon he'd be fine.  He was right.  We had a lovely dinner and continued with our plans.  Right before the waitress brought the check he told me he had a letter.  Now this guy isn't the letter writing type and sometimes I must admit it is really hard to tell when he's being serious.  So I didn't believe him at first.  Then he said "No really I wrote you a letter.  Will you read it?  I poured my heart and soul into it."  I laughed...not knowing if he were serious or not.  He then stated he was serious and pulled out a tightly folded piece of paper from his pocket.  I hesitantly opened up the paper, not knowing what to expect.  Then I found the words "Dear (insert my name), Will you be my girlfriend?  -(insert his name)  []yes []no []maybe"  Just as happy as could be, I took my pen and wrote "Of Course!!!" underneath the word yes and then checked that box three times!  I gave the letter back to him.  He was elated.  Then he told me to write the date and time on the letter.  We're eventually going to make a scrapbook.  :-) 

So this couldn't have been any more perfect.  He's the man I envision when I think of my perfect mate.  He possesses all of the qualities I desperately want.  He's by far not perfect but he's perfect for least for right now.  Who knows what the future may hold?  All I know is that it was the perfect way to start a relationship.  He's amazing.


P.S. He bought me a really fly military style gray jacket.  He likes me. . .a lot.  *cheesing*

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dear John...uhhh I mean Calvin- - -

I've been really struggling with my emotions these last couple of weeks.  Perhaps it's because I have opened myself up so much and I feel so exposed that the slightest bit of rudeness makes me question everything that has been built over the last couple of months.  I like Calvin I really do but this morning I woke up with the declaration I would start dating other people again on my mind.  That's no all.  Either that's women's intuition telling me I should or maybe I'm just fed up with the gray area.  Whatever it is, I've decided to write an open letter to Calvin.  He probably will never see this but at least I'll get a chance to get these words out of my head and maybe just MAYBE someone can help me figure all of this ish out!  So here it goes. . .

Dear Calvin,

I hope this letter finds you well.  I've had tons to say to you lately but have been finding it hard to express myself for a number of reasons.  So instead of saying these things in person, I have chosen to write you a letter (though it may not be four

Listen, I like you.  It's that simple.  You always say simplicity is genius.  Well that my friend is the most genius thing I could say about my feelings for you.  On a scale of 1-10, I like you a 12.  As if I don't tell you enough, you are probably wondering why...why do I like you so much.  Where would you like to start?!  Shall I first talk about how gorgeously handsome you are and the smile you bring to my face when you walk into the room (especially when you do your "Idris Elba" walk)?  Or how about your beautiful smile that lights up your whole face? This is the same smile that when worn affectionately has the power to make me melt in my shoes.  Maybe it's the way you dance for me when you're about to get into the shower or changing your clothes for bed.  Perhaps it's your muscular build that I should write LA Fitness about thanking them for helping you preserve your sexy.  It's this same build that gives you the strength to curl me in a parking lot or toss me over your shoulder when we're playing or throw me on the bed as if you are making a statement or even that one time in the kitchen when you were holding me upside down...easily a position we could have dropped our clothes and had sex in.  Speaking of sex, that turns me on too.  You have this intuitive ability to make my body feel amazing.  The oral sex is by far the best I've ever received.  It's so good it makes me want to return the favor without any hesitation.  (For once, I actually enjoy giving fellatio...Who knew?!?) You're so adventurous and explorative.  You simply wish to make it as enjoyable for me as it is for you. 

While the physical is always good, I must admit it's only about a fourth of the reason I like you a 12.  Half of that reason is what makes you who you are.  It's your intellect.  Your ability to not get lost in any conversation we may have be it about politics, sports, medicine or business.  There's never a dull moment in conversations with you.  Besides your intellect, the one thing that makes me enjoy you the most is your personality.  You are by far the funniest guy I've ever dated.  I can truly appreciate this (and the fact that you think I'm the funniest girl you know We have more jokes than Kevin Hart, Mike Epps and Bruce Bruce all doing a comedy show in Las Vegas on NYE.  We're always laughing....laughter is probably the one thing that keeps us together (for the lack of a better word). Besides your intellect and sense of humor, I know for a fact I would not be able to date you if you weren't as kind, passionate, intuitive, charming, respectful, responsible and empathetic. 

While the physical and mental are majority of my reason for liking you, I can't forget the spiritual.  There is something uber sexy about a man who knows without a doubt that he is a child of God and nothing nor anyone will come in between him and his relationship with his creator.  It's amazing to listen to the stories about your involvement with the young boys in your church.  Plus your speaking this week too.  That means I'm not the only one who sees the light of God shining through you.  Besides this, a man of God knows that he has a greater purpose on this Earth.  He realizes that his life is not his own and gradually works to becoming a man capable enough of fostering a great relationship with his future wife and being able to take care of his children.  He has visions and uses his goals to make those visions his reality.  He understands his talents and does not let them go to waste.  He is simply amazing...a true reflection of the Father is displayed in every action he takes and decision he makes.

I like you for all of the above stated reasons.  I know that I tell you often how much I like you but rarely do I go into specifics.  I've probably done it once really.  I don't want you to think I don't appreciate you or devalue what we have.  Although all of these things come together to make you a wonderful person, I must admit there's one thing about your personality that I could really do without forever.  You can be extremely's as if you can sense my weakness at any moment and simply attack it.  This is where the riff raff has been coming the last couple of weeks.

I'm already vulnerable because I have put myself in a position of no power.  I feel as if I submitted my emotions to you...I've taken my heart out and given it to you on a silver platter.  And at times, I feel like you're just looking at it turns cold. On those days you are being rude I honestly feel like you have dropped the platter and somehow managed to walk all over it.  I feel defenseless...and broke.  I know I shouldn't feel so strongly about a guy that's not even my boyfriend but I do.  (Hell keeping it real....6 months into dating my last boyfriend I knew it was over.  I was ready to call it quits but didn't because of fear.)

Anyway, all of this to say....what the hell are you waiting on!?  I'm not ready to be married...I'm not.  I'm just ready for you to make a verbal statement not just to me but for the rest of the world that I am the girl you have eyes for and the only way anyone can take those eyes away would be if they had more to offer than me and made you feel more special than I do.  But then on the other hand, maybe you don't feel so strongly about me.  Maybe I'm setting myself up to fail.  All I know is that eventually if this isn't defined you might catch me in the streets trying to move away from these feelings I have displayed for you. I'll try to find someone else to build inside jokes with, to gaze into his eyes, to be my private dancer, to be my Cornel West, to go everywhere with and do everything while enjoying every minute of it.  I will!  *cue Beyonce song* Don't you ever for a minute think you're irreplaceable. lol

Okay well I hope I've given you a little bit of clarity into my feelings.  Let me know what you're thinking. Thanks hun.