Monday, February 14, 2011



So here it is again.....that one day of the year when tons of people get engaged, more people say I love you and just about everyone experiences some form of love.  It's cupid's day but growing up I always knew it to be Saint Valentine's Day.

I was educated in the catholic school system from the 1st grade through the 8th and there's one thing that I can thank all of those nuns and Catholics for till this very day.  Besides my superb mathematical skills and very well-rounded education, I am ever so grateful to have been in a school that celebrated every holiday known to Americans.  Most people that I encounter are always so enamored when I make big deals of days that they consider to be "commercialized" or "capitalistic ways for the rich to get richer".  But it's days like this when I am reminded just how great my childhood was despite some tribulations that could have easily setback any other kid that was walking in my shoes.

Every holiday was celebrated at my school.  Our teachers often educated us on it's meaning/purpose and we would celebrate accordingly.  (This included all holidays related to African American culture, which could have easily been looked over in that Catholic school.)  On these holidays, there were often parties, we were able to dress out of uniforms, get creative and bring in treats.  I looked forward to every holiday during the school year, including birthdays.  (This, too, is why I believe birthdays are a BIG deal and should be celebrated as such.) 

Now don't get me wrong.  I understand the point of view of those who rather not celebrate Valentine's Day because it's just "too cheesy","fake", "commercialized" or whatever other way that person would like to describe it.  I fed into it for years during high school and college....mostly because I didn't have a special somebody and somehow I began thinking that I needed someone special to enjoy this day.  I started dressing in all black....I wore shirts that adorned slogans like "Love is for Losers".  I was anti-Valentine's day. . .UNTIL I was given the chance to actually be someone's Valentine....someone that I happened to care about at the time....someone who believed that February 14th was almost as great as (insert birthday here).

I had no idea what to buy him....OR even what to do.  I simply thought about all those old times when Valentine's Day made me happy and I had no choice but to channel my inner creativity.  I made him a poem booklet with some of the greatest love poems in there and one that I wrote him (that year he asked for a poem for his In the booklet, I also enclosed a love letter.  I expressed my truest emotions for him....I also made him a cd with all of these love songs I picked out specifically for him.  I included a handmade lyric book because he never knew the lyrics to any song.  I kept it simple and yet it was the best gift he ever received (his words not mine). 

That Valentine's Day rekindled my appreciation for one of the most hated holidays in history but this year I won't be celebrating.  My boyfriend isn't a fan.  While I would have loved to make him something amazing to make his heart smile bigger than the other guy, I'll just save it. However, I am almost certain that when I have kids we will celebrate every holiday known to Americans as well.  I'll educate them as those sisters educated me.  We'll do arts and crafts and wear red, pink or purple. 

In the meantime, I'll strive to continually remind everyone around me how much I love them on this day and beyond.  I'm way better at expressing my love than I used to be so thanks Saint Valentine for helping me to learn the importance of making my love known.

I wish you and yours a Happy Valentine's Day....and many more amazing love days. :-)


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Love Is---

Ever since Calvin and I have been official we have attempted to set a theme for each month.  This month, though corny, our theme is "Love. Peace. Soul." We are working to unconventionally show our love, to obtain unspeakable peace, and to experience those things that will draw our souls nearer.  The only problem is I have yet to define love. 

Love is no longer what I thought it was.  I actually feel something deep in my heart for him that I have never felt before.  It's so weird that not even I can put it into words.  However, when I try to define it I become scared.  And just today I realized that I am afraid to fall in love with this man.  I'm scared of the possibility.  My brain keeps sending positive happy feelings to my heart while my heart attempts to block them. 

So as I started thinking about this thing called love, I understood a little better how it was so easy for me to feel afraid.  Crazy thought I know BUT we must all understand that with love comes fear.  It's as simple a concept as God and the devil.  (It's almost like that one law of physics....for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.) However, these things don't quite balance each other out.  Once you believe in God, it should be hard for the devil to tempt you.  The same is true for love.  Once you are enthralled in it, fear should be the farthest thought from your mind.  Or should it?!

Well for me it currently isn't and as I do some much needed introspection this month I wish to define my love that is absent of fear.  I want to love and not be afraid of pain.  I want to be vulnerable and not even think about being hurt.  Before I can truly romantically love someone else, I must wholeheartedly love myself.  As I continue on this journey, I am getting closer to truly loving myself.  Once I love myself, I mean really LOVE myself (the kind of love where I trust my thoughts, my intuitions.....the kind of love where I have no regrets....the kind of love that is an expression of being a child of God) then and only then can I truly love someone else.

So while my brain says heart says wait a minute.  And that's what I'm doing.  There's no need to try and hurry defining love.  I'll just take my time and love will define itself.  I'm sure.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Loving. . .ME---

It's February!  I must admit.  I am so happy to say goodbye to January.  It was a pretty terrible month for me emotionally and by no means do I want to go through that rut again.  I've done some contemplation since Calvin and I's break, which lasted just a week.  I now realize that I have to get back in touch with myself.  I have to love myself.  I was so concerned with making things "right" with everyone else that I forgot to do the right things to please me.  As a result, I have deactivated my facebook page and requested my friend to change my twitter password.  This February I will use all 28 days to focus on myself and my inner happiness.  Since I have submitted my application to five schools, I have a little bit more time on my hand to read leisurely and think freely. . .AND I LOVE IT!

Since February is the month of love, I vow to love me.  I will romance myself. My goal is to understand myself a lot better after these 28 days.  A lot can happen and I'm hopeful about all of the potential outcomes. Maybe you should try it to.  Get back in the habit of doing those things that puts the deepest smile in your heart.  Do you.  Date you.  Love you.

I sure will.