Yesterday was Calvin and I's date night. We didn't really go out, per se, but we did see each other. Since Calvin has an extreme case of sarcasm (which is often interpreted as rude), I bet him the day before that he could not go 24 hours with saying one sarcastic thing to me. We talked throughout the work day via bbm and he seemed so sensitive and compassionate, both traits that dominate my personality. I really enjoyed the day without his sarcasm. Although, at times, I missed the variety it added to the conversation. I would try to trap him with a super smart comment and all he would reply was a simple okay and not say anything at all. Cool. I guess. No fun though. Regardless of this, it was a good day emotionally for me. He couldn't use his sarcasm as a disguise of his true feelings and I appreciated the day of honesty that came with it.
The bet was that if he didn't say one sarcastic thing to me I had to do 50 push ups for him. (Now I know that sounds like nothing BUT it's a lot for me. There are two exercises I completely hate, running and push ups. It's because I don't do either well. My boobs are too big to enjoy running and my upper body is too weak to enjoy push ups.) He's often teased me for having such little arms and constantly tells me to do push ups. I showed him once what my push up looked like, he laughed and called it pitiful. No harm, no foul. They are pitiful. I shy away from them as a result. So when he said 50 push ups, that sounded like torture for me. On the other hand, if I won then he would have to cook for me.
I lost. :-( So yesterday he told me to come over in my workout gear. Fine. I get there ready to do 50 push ups and then he starts telling me other stuff to do. He said he wanted to "warm (me) up." HA! Needless to say, I did my part and some. In the end, we both did the last 25 push ups together and some ab work. It was great. Then we went to watch Kevin Hart. We laughed. We enjoyed each other but it was starting to get late. He said "So are you spending the night or what?" I said "No." He said "Fine then leave. It's past my bedtime." Now all of this was in his normal sarcastic/rude ass tone so I didn't take him that serious. I stayed for another half hour before he told me he was sleepy. Then I said I'd stay and he said "No leave. You don't want to be here. It's fine. Just go." So what'd I do?! I put my shoes on and walked towards the door. He asked for a hug and I walked up to him without extended arms and he said "What's wrong with you?" I said "You're kicking me out." (This is a scene we've been through before.) After an exchange of words, he said "You're such a girl. You're so damn sensitive. You are a girly-girl. I never date girly-girls. I guess I have to get used to it." My heart smiled a bit and I said "Why do you have to get used to it?" He rolled his eyes and said "Ok guess not." I smacked my lips and turned around to walk out. He grabbed me, made a deep sigh and said "Because you're the girl that I'm dealing with. You're just so sensitive." I said "Is that a bad thing? People change." He said "People rarely change especially not for someone else. If people change it's because they want to." I said "So is that a bad thing? Is my sensitivity a bad thing?" He said "Listen, it's late. I'm not going into that conversation with you. Goodnight." I turned around and walked my sensitive ass to my car.
So the thing is...he and I had a similar conversation about my sensitivity before when we attempted to lay out what we want from each other. He said he wanted me to be "less mushy, less analytical and less sensitive." Anyone who knows me knows that all of those characteristics define who I am. I am an emotional, over-analytical, romantically sensitive sap. I am the definition of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I would go great lengths to please the people I love. I care very much about making people happy. Every now and again I like to feel appreciated and loved. I want you to not only show that but tell me. If you don't, I start to over-analyze. I start questioning everything that has been done or said. If you know anything about Cancers, I am one in every sense of the word. Taken from iloveindia.com, "When in love, she will be tender, womanly, timid and modest. She dislikes criticisms, can't stand rejection and gets deeply hurt by harsh words. Too much aggressiveness on your part may make her a little hesitant." This is who I am. I would be more than happy to change it IF I saw a problem with it. I must admit that I used to have issues with my sensitivity. I tried so hard to conceal it. I wouldn't let anyone close to me for fear of being too vulnerable. In some ways I'm still like that. I use sarcasm and laughter as my shell. So on the surface, I can come across as a bit cold, very sarcastic sometimes a tad bitchy. That was my way of changing it. I'm either overly sensitive or overly sarcastic.
He knows this. He knew it from the first time we met. We had a conversation that next day on the phone and he told me then that he could tell I was using my sarcasm as a shell. As far as he could see, I was nothing but mush on the inside. Well, sir, I'm pretty consistent. He just knows me more now so that "mush" is shown and when my sarcasm is used he says I'm being a jerk or an asshole. So how can I win? Is there a such thing as being too sensitive? I'm not insecure so I don't think I'm too sensitive. I just don't respond well to harsh remarks, criticisms or rejection. Don't do those things and I won't be so sensitive. Now how do I communicate this with him. I don't want to give him my weak points. LOL. I don't think he'll use them against me later; I just rather not expose myself so much. haha.
Oh and I forgot to tell you. I think he's as sensitive as me. The only difference is he has mastered the art of concealing it. He dates girls who are not mushes which helps him conceal it even more. It is my belief that you can not read a person as well as he's read me unless you are like them or you've been with someone who was. Since he hasn't dated a girl like me, his words not mine, it's safe to assume the former. I think he's scared of showing his sensitivity. However, if he does, that might lead to a very intense relationship, which could be good or bad. But knowing us, I'm thinking it'll be nothing but good. We would learn a couple of things from each other, sort of like balancing it all out. Now how do I relay this information to him? Be mindful that he is a very dominant, mysterious male (He's a Scorpio, btw) that doesn't like to be exposed or not be in charge. Go Figure. lol
SO WHAT DO I DO???
~Romantifully Sensitive :-(
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Social Experiment---
So it's been a couple of days since I've had a chance to write on this thing BUT I'm back itches!!!! lol I'll give you a brief update on all that happened since the last post. As I informed you, I decided to cut my phone off for a day. (It turned out to be about 30 hrs.) It was a crazy busy day at work so I didn't think about it too much. I definitely thought I was going to have problems since it was a Friday night but I didn't. I merely stayed at home and enjoyed myself...fully. I even wrote a new personal statement! (YAY ME!)
Anyway, when I finally did turn my phone on, I had a host of texts, bbms and voicemails. Most of them were from the very boys I said would not care, ESPECIALLY Calvin. He and I usually communicate via bbm. He never leaves voicemails or sends text messages. He not only sent bbms but left text messages. Since he sent a text that said "what's going on? where r u?", I assumed he called at some point of the day. When I finally responded to his messages, I could tell from his tone (even over bbm) that he was upset. In fact, he kept giving me one word answers until I decided that the 'tude he was giving was not okay. So I called him....we played phone tag for a second...then we finally talked....AMAZING! He clearly missed me. He not only said that but told me he had tried to call several times because he needed my advice. THAT in itself means a lot since he's alpha male and takes advice from no one. He wanted my help on telling his best friend "bye". He wanted me to tell him it'd be okay and soon enough they would be reunited. He said he asked his sisters and mom but he would have preferred to hear my opinion. And that ladies and gentlemen was the deal breaker. He also invited me to a social gathering that his friends were having. I went by myself and oddly enough had a great time being there "with" him. We drank, we laughed, we talked and he showed constant displays of affection. His friends would reference him as my man. A couple of times I shunned them for saying such but then they'd look at me with the "how dare you play him like that" look. Then we left and went back to his house. We talked and went to sleep, like two old married adults who just came home from a night on the town. We were so beat. We didn't even kiss. It's fine though. I just enjoy being in his presence. He has taken over the number one spot yet again. I won't tell him that this time though since last time he took it to his head and neglected me a bit. (ha ha) He seems to be more interested now than ever and I love it! I'm just enjoying the moment with this one. This is probably the best idea I had yet. LMAO.
Anyway, there are other people that called and texted but none worth mentioning really. There was that one boy who sent me the skype and twitter dm but I realized once I got his texts that we could never talk so no need to acknowledge that. Back to Calvin. . . (proceeds to daydream)
~Romantifully yours
Anyway, when I finally did turn my phone on, I had a host of texts, bbms and voicemails. Most of them were from the very boys I said would not care, ESPECIALLY Calvin. He and I usually communicate via bbm. He never leaves voicemails or sends text messages. He not only sent bbms but left text messages. Since he sent a text that said "what's going on? where r u?", I assumed he called at some point of the day. When I finally responded to his messages, I could tell from his tone (even over bbm) that he was upset. In fact, he kept giving me one word answers until I decided that the 'tude he was giving was not okay. So I called him....we played phone tag for a second...then we finally talked....AMAZING! He clearly missed me. He not only said that but told me he had tried to call several times because he needed my advice. THAT in itself means a lot since he's alpha male and takes advice from no one. He wanted my help on telling his best friend "bye". He wanted me to tell him it'd be okay and soon enough they would be reunited. He said he asked his sisters and mom but he would have preferred to hear my opinion. And that ladies and gentlemen was the deal breaker. He also invited me to a social gathering that his friends were having. I went by myself and oddly enough had a great time being there "with" him. We drank, we laughed, we talked and he showed constant displays of affection. His friends would reference him as my man. A couple of times I shunned them for saying such but then they'd look at me with the "how dare you play him like that" look. Then we left and went back to his house. We talked and went to sleep, like two old married adults who just came home from a night on the town. We were so beat. We didn't even kiss. It's fine though. I just enjoy being in his presence. He has taken over the number one spot yet again. I won't tell him that this time though since last time he took it to his head and neglected me a bit. (ha ha) He seems to be more interested now than ever and I love it! I'm just enjoying the moment with this one. This is probably the best idea I had yet. LMAO.
Anyway, there are other people that called and texted but none worth mentioning really. There was that one boy who sent me the skype and twitter dm but I realized once I got his texts that we could never talk so no need to acknowledge that. Back to Calvin. . . (proceeds to daydream)
~Romantifully yours
Friday, August 20, 2010
GPS Trackers and Fashion Statements---
I was just standing in the mirror dancing (yes, I do that often...in fact, I do it clothed or naked. I love me!) and I came up with an ingenious quotation. It came shortly after I finished this month's Glamour magazine with J.Lo on the cover. Ironically enough, her new CD is called "Love?" and she herself has experienced some VERY public bouts of love. Anyway, my thought was "Love is like a great outfit. You are always happy you found it and you fill good in it but when you're not in it you're constantly looking for it. You rarely settle until you find the right one. Additionally, you always go back to that great outfit, at least until you find one better." Ingenious right?!?! I think so....it's a thought that combines two of my favorite things, love and fashion. AH-MAZING....That quote gives me an orgasm...lol...ok, I'm hyping it but still. (Sidenote, I just thought of an addendum to that quote... "Facebook always ruins it.") HAHA!
Seriously, you're probably wondering how this relates to the title. Don't worry. I'll tell you.
So yesterday, my phone was the jump-off spot. I spent my day texting Calvin "Mr. Just Like Me"...he seemed to be feeling me kind of tough from our movie date the night before. He was not being his sarcastically jerk self...he said some very cute mushy things, which is not him at all. It really made my heart smile. I also received a text during the day from a new guy that I met a month ago that said something about him missing me a lot. He followed it up with a text that explained he didn't understand why he missed me so since we hadn't spent much time together or talked that often. (This guy is also aware of my situation with Calvin. The most intimate he and I have ever been was sitting in my car one night listening to slow songs and talking...no exchanging of touches or saliva.) Then there were the two missed calls I received while I took my nap. One from Keith "Mr. Not Ever", who always leaves a voicemail, and the other from Xavier "Mr. You're My Little Secret". I returned both calls; Keith answered, of course, and Xavier didn't. Then after I abruptly ended my boring ass conversation with Keith, I got on gchat. Then my high school sweetheart sent me a video chat. We talked for a good hour. THEN, I talked to Eugene "Mr. Got It Together" before I went to bed.
It was a LOT! As a result, I decided to turn my phone off for the day (per the request of my dear friend Dreezy "Mr. 'I forgot your name'" LOL.) It's been a rewarding feeling knowing I am not tied to my phone or any person. I'm living the single life so I don't owe anyone any excuses. We'll see if anyone's "disappointed" from my actions today. It's a bold move since it's Friday and most people don't do such things over the weekend. Whatever. I'm enjoying it. (This whole paragraph isn't necessary....it's just a prelude to my next post. So remember this.)
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. One of my dear friends and I have often joked that men must put some kind of GPS tracker into girls they really like. It seems as if just as that girl starts to move onto the next one, he starts calling and questioning---showing extreme bouts of interest. It ALWAYS throws me off. It happens way to often for me. Yesterday's phone fiascoes occur more than once every blue moon. My phone blows up when I'm happily involved with someone else. Guys from my past call with stories about "missing" me, how we could be so happy together or how great of a person I am. Thanks guys but I've moved on SUCKAS! *sticks out tongue and shakes fanny*
As I was dancing in the mirror, it all made sense. I seem to be that great outfit these guys aren't ready to hang up or give away. Sometimes, boys, you have to give up certain clothes. You outgrow them. They aren't in season. (Since I'm a classic, I'm always in season. haha) There's a better outfit out there for you, for the occasion.
Debug the GPS trackers. Hang up the outfit that once worked. Let go.
~Romantiful
Seriously, you're probably wondering how this relates to the title. Don't worry. I'll tell you.
So yesterday, my phone was the jump-off spot. I spent my day texting Calvin "Mr. Just Like Me"...he seemed to be feeling me kind of tough from our movie date the night before. He was not being his sarcastically jerk self...he said some very cute mushy things, which is not him at all. It really made my heart smile. I also received a text during the day from a new guy that I met a month ago that said something about him missing me a lot. He followed it up with a text that explained he didn't understand why he missed me so since we hadn't spent much time together or talked that often. (This guy is also aware of my situation with Calvin. The most intimate he and I have ever been was sitting in my car one night listening to slow songs and talking...no exchanging of touches or saliva.) Then there were the two missed calls I received while I took my nap. One from Keith "Mr. Not Ever", who always leaves a voicemail, and the other from Xavier "Mr. You're My Little Secret". I returned both calls; Keith answered, of course, and Xavier didn't. Then after I abruptly ended my boring ass conversation with Keith, I got on gchat. Then my high school sweetheart sent me a video chat. We talked for a good hour. THEN, I talked to Eugene "Mr. Got It Together" before I went to bed.
It was a LOT! As a result, I decided to turn my phone off for the day (per the request of my dear friend Dreezy "Mr. 'I forgot your name'" LOL.) It's been a rewarding feeling knowing I am not tied to my phone or any person. I'm living the single life so I don't owe anyone any excuses. We'll see if anyone's "disappointed" from my actions today. It's a bold move since it's Friday and most people don't do such things over the weekend. Whatever. I'm enjoying it. (This whole paragraph isn't necessary....it's just a prelude to my next post. So remember this.)
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. One of my dear friends and I have often joked that men must put some kind of GPS tracker into girls they really like. It seems as if just as that girl starts to move onto the next one, he starts calling and questioning---showing extreme bouts of interest. It ALWAYS throws me off. It happens way to often for me. Yesterday's phone fiascoes occur more than once every blue moon. My phone blows up when I'm happily involved with someone else. Guys from my past call with stories about "missing" me, how we could be so happy together or how great of a person I am. Thanks guys but I've moved on SUCKAS! *sticks out tongue and shakes fanny*
As I was dancing in the mirror, it all made sense. I seem to be that great outfit these guys aren't ready to hang up or give away. Sometimes, boys, you have to give up certain clothes. You outgrow them. They aren't in season. (Since I'm a classic, I'm always in season. haha) There's a better outfit out there for you, for the occasion.
Debug the GPS trackers. Hang up the outfit that once worked. Let go.
~Romantiful
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I Like Him---
Yesterday I had a date with Calvin "Mr. Just Like Me" and it was the first real date we've had in a month. We have seen each since then though. On average, we see each other once a week and talk at least once a day. Honestly, I didn't mind that we weren't giving our money to the man just so we could have a couple hours of dating. I enjoy his company regardless of where we are. I'm actually more of a homebody than most would know so I prefer to get creative rather than spending money.
All that to say. . .nothing. LOL! Anyway, back to our date night. We decided a long time ago that we wanted to see this particular movie. This was supposed to be him taking me out. However, I arrived at the movie before he did so I just purchased the tickets and patiently waited for him. (He's an habitually late person. On our first date, he was 45 minutes late picking me up.) Nonetheless, when he finally arrived, a huge smile marked my face. I felt like I hadn't seen him in years and he looked so cute. He had no idea I purchased the tickets and started walking toward the counter when I slyly flashed the stubs in his face. He was so happy then proceeded to say "Aww boo you bought the tickets but this was me taking you out so I'm going to give you your money back." I told him it wasn't that big of a deal and we walked into the theatre. (It's really not that big of a deal. Besides, he is one of those guys that like to feel appreciated from time to time so I make attempts to make him feel like I care for him as much as I say.)
This was our third time going on a movie date. During the first movie we didn't talk much but that is when we kissed for the first time. It was quick and dirty, kind of like him getting it out of the way. The second movie was a romantic comedy so the only time we really talked was when we would exchange flirtatious sayings from the movie. This being only the third time I didn't know what to expect. I was sure he probably wasn't going to speak much and we'd spend much of our time laughing. However, I was completely wrong. He talked my ear off during the previews. I even found him being touchy-feely. He's not the mushy type so I was kind of blown away. All throughout the movie, we talked, exchanged jokes, touched and kissed. It was a great movie experience even though the movie wasn't as funny as we expected. Afterwards, we parted ways.
Here's where my problem comes. (Like I seriously think I have a real problem...) I wanted to go home with him and just cuddle. No sex or anything...just enjoying the moment and being in his company. I realize, I like this guy more than he knows. I'm not sure if it's a convenience factor or if it's because he so unlike any other guy I've ever dated OR if it's because I see me in him. I think I get it now. It's not that we aren't on the same page about where this is going (well maybe a little bit) but Calvin just really wants to take his time. He wants to get it right. He wants to make sure I'm worth it. In the end, I just have to keep being myself. No need to nag him about our status or a title. I'm not really ready for all of that yet. I need to learn above all other things just to date. He's shown his interest. I've shown mine. We're attracted to each other in more ways than one. He constantly brings me up to his family and friends. (More than I can say I do. :-/) He's just a great guy and I'm a great girl....we are just 2 great people, enjoying great times. And it's just THAT simple.
*heart smile*
~Romantiful
All that to say. . .nothing. LOL! Anyway, back to our date night. We decided a long time ago that we wanted to see this particular movie. This was supposed to be him taking me out. However, I arrived at the movie before he did so I just purchased the tickets and patiently waited for him. (He's an habitually late person. On our first date, he was 45 minutes late picking me up.) Nonetheless, when he finally arrived, a huge smile marked my face. I felt like I hadn't seen him in years and he looked so cute. He had no idea I purchased the tickets and started walking toward the counter when I slyly flashed the stubs in his face. He was so happy then proceeded to say "Aww boo you bought the tickets but this was me taking you out so I'm going to give you your money back." I told him it wasn't that big of a deal and we walked into the theatre. (It's really not that big of a deal. Besides, he is one of those guys that like to feel appreciated from time to time so I make attempts to make him feel like I care for him as much as I say.)
This was our third time going on a movie date. During the first movie we didn't talk much but that is when we kissed for the first time. It was quick and dirty, kind of like him getting it out of the way. The second movie was a romantic comedy so the only time we really talked was when we would exchange flirtatious sayings from the movie. This being only the third time I didn't know what to expect. I was sure he probably wasn't going to speak much and we'd spend much of our time laughing. However, I was completely wrong. He talked my ear off during the previews. I even found him being touchy-feely. He's not the mushy type so I was kind of blown away. All throughout the movie, we talked, exchanged jokes, touched and kissed. It was a great movie experience even though the movie wasn't as funny as we expected. Afterwards, we parted ways.
Here's where my problem comes. (Like I seriously think I have a real problem...) I wanted to go home with him and just cuddle. No sex or anything...just enjoying the moment and being in his company. I realize, I like this guy more than he knows. I'm not sure if it's a convenience factor or if it's because he so unlike any other guy I've ever dated OR if it's because I see me in him. I think I get it now. It's not that we aren't on the same page about where this is going (well maybe a little bit) but Calvin just really wants to take his time. He wants to get it right. He wants to make sure I'm worth it. In the end, I just have to keep being myself. No need to nag him about our status or a title. I'm not really ready for all of that yet. I need to learn above all other things just to date. He's shown his interest. I've shown mine. We're attracted to each other in more ways than one. He constantly brings me up to his family and friends. (More than I can say I do. :-/) He's just a great guy and I'm a great girl....we are just 2 great people, enjoying great times. And it's just THAT simple.
*heart smile*
~Romantiful
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Possibly A Lost Soul---
The very first time I saw him (Brian aka "Mr. Soulmate) there was this unexplainable chemistry between us. He had a smile that lit up the whole room. If you know me, you know that I can be a sucker for a great smile. He was very professional and I appreciated it. The next couple of months we exchanged flirtatious comments and looks. I so desperately wanted him to ask for my number since I was never the aggressive type. I played it cool and made sure I looked casually cute every day at work. It wasn't until nearly four months after our initial meeting did he show interest. What gave?! I showed interest first. I bought him a Christmas card (hoping he wasn't a Jehovah Witness) and some chocolate. The chocolate was an IOU from a time I took some candy from him. He blushed....felt special...hesitantly asked me for my number. We played phone tag for the first couple of days and finally we talked (at 8:00 am). We had a pretty GREAT initial conversation. So much so, we continued to talk throughout the rest of the day. By the time 5:00 pm rolled around, it was as if we had known each other for years.
This is when we had the "white sauce" conversation. This conversation was quite possibly, in my mind, the breakthrough conversation. It was at this point we realized our attraction was deeper than the both of us. That day we had discussed the initials (educational and social background information) as well as our love for Jay Z, our thoughts on the best rapper, his coworkers and political events. We had talked so much that one would assume we would've been bored with each or ran out of things to say. BUT NOOOOOOO....somehow we got on the topic of white sauces and we both shared an extremely passionate disdain for them. It was so weird. We seemed to agree on everything without having to give much explanation. It was simply amazing! And guess what?!?!! He and I talked every weekday for the following 3 months. It was like clockwork. There was always a morning call, afternoon texts, a potential lunch call and an after work ride home call. We never got sick of each other. (You may be wondering how I could speak so surely about his feelings...well other than the fact that he had no problem voicing his feelings for me, his actions spoke louder than words when it came to me. I never doubted once that he liked me.)
Unfortunately, there is one major detail I'm leaving out. About a week into our phone conversations, I made a joke about him having a boo and he didn't laugh as much as I anticipated. This was a red flag for me. He laughed at all my jokes. Why wasn't this one funny? So I probed, as any over-analytical person would do...then he revealed that he had a girlfriend! I was shocked above anything else. He explained their relationship and from what I understood, he was planning on breaking up with her. (Well that explains what took him so long to ask me for my number. But why did he even ask me for my number in the FIRST place?!?!) I was pissed. How dare he unlock my heart and take a piece of my soul while holding someone else's heart in his right hand?????
The crazy part about all of this is I couldn't stay mad too long. I started thinking positively and figured that all he said was true. He'd eventually be broken up with her and we'd ride off into the sunset together hand in hand on white horses. Too bad I was wrong. Too bad I trusted his word so much. Too bad he didn't break up with thedinosaur looking girl who he coincidentally met the same day I met Keith "Mr. Not Ever". I guess I was so sure about his words since his relationship with her mirrored my relationship with Keith. The only difference is that she had a stronger hold on him than he wanted to admit and that he was "comfortable". He had grown used to her and somehow he'd settle for marrying someone who may never be his best friend. (<---his words not mine)
That's one of the few traits that seemed to disturb me about him. He liked his comfort zone. He had become comfortable with not only her but his career, his lifestyle, his habits, his expectations. He lacked that thirst and hunger for life that many guys younger than him seemed to still have. The funny thing in all of this is that the typical person who's known him for years would never say that. I knew him well enough to tell him and he understood himself enough to agree. The funnier thing is that I inspired him to break out of that comfort zone. For example, he reexamined his career goals and is now taking graduate classes in pursuit of some more letters behind his name.
We would have been so great together. We had built a strong open friendship that allowed each of us to share some of our innermost insecurities without feeling judged or ridiculed. Too many times we'd complete each others sentences. Even when we disagreed, we did so in a jokingly calm way. We weren't competing to dominate the relationship. We were extremely attracted to each other. He even said that his future sons would go to Morehouse. That statement alone made my heart smile beyond measure. We knew what the other was feeling without probing. We could always sense it. The feelings I felt for him or even when I was with him were a bit surreal.
I'm actually waiting for the email/text from him that says he's engaged. :-/ My hope is that I'm not a completely lost soul wandering around these streets looking to fill a spot that had already been temporarily occupied. My friends keep telling me that he wasn't my soulmate....so far, I beg to differ. But hey not every person marries his/her soulmate. Somehow they find someone they genuinely love and care for and make it work for the best. I surely hope that's not how my marriage turns out (if I choose to get married).
The good part in it all. . .there is always a lesson learned. Through my experiences with Brian "Mr. Soulmate", I learned quite a bit about myself. Since I'm familiar with the feeling, I know what I want in my potential mate, friendship above all things. I know that I cannot function in a relationship that lacks open and honest communication. I'm learning to take the truth more and realize that some things just aren't meant to be. . .maybe.
Who knows?!? Brian and I might meet up some place in the future after our mates have passed away....after the kids have grown up....after we have accomplished all of our major goals...and then spend the rest of lives together....It may not be 50 years but 5 years with Brian would be better than none.
~Romantiful (hopefully NOT a lost soul...still scared of lonely)
This is when we had the "white sauce" conversation. This conversation was quite possibly, in my mind, the breakthrough conversation. It was at this point we realized our attraction was deeper than the both of us. That day we had discussed the initials (educational and social background information) as well as our love for Jay Z, our thoughts on the best rapper, his coworkers and political events. We had talked so much that one would assume we would've been bored with each or ran out of things to say. BUT NOOOOOOO....somehow we got on the topic of white sauces and we both shared an extremely passionate disdain for them. It was so weird. We seemed to agree on everything without having to give much explanation. It was simply amazing! And guess what?!?!! He and I talked every weekday for the following 3 months. It was like clockwork. There was always a morning call, afternoon texts, a potential lunch call and an after work ride home call. We never got sick of each other. (You may be wondering how I could speak so surely about his feelings...well other than the fact that he had no problem voicing his feelings for me, his actions spoke louder than words when it came to me. I never doubted once that he liked me.)
Unfortunately, there is one major detail I'm leaving out. About a week into our phone conversations, I made a joke about him having a boo and he didn't laugh as much as I anticipated. This was a red flag for me. He laughed at all my jokes. Why wasn't this one funny? So I probed, as any over-analytical person would do...then he revealed that he had a girlfriend! I was shocked above anything else. He explained their relationship and from what I understood, he was planning on breaking up with her. (Well that explains what took him so long to ask me for my number. But why did he even ask me for my number in the FIRST place?!?!) I was pissed. How dare he unlock my heart and take a piece of my soul while holding someone else's heart in his right hand?????
The crazy part about all of this is I couldn't stay mad too long. I started thinking positively and figured that all he said was true. He'd eventually be broken up with her and we'd ride off into the sunset together hand in hand on white horses. Too bad I was wrong. Too bad I trusted his word so much. Too bad he didn't break up with the
That's one of the few traits that seemed to disturb me about him. He liked his comfort zone. He had become comfortable with not only her but his career, his lifestyle, his habits, his expectations. He lacked that thirst and hunger for life that many guys younger than him seemed to still have. The funny thing in all of this is that the typical person who's known him for years would never say that. I knew him well enough to tell him and he understood himself enough to agree. The funnier thing is that I inspired him to break out of that comfort zone. For example, he reexamined his career goals and is now taking graduate classes in pursuit of some more letters behind his name.
We would have been so great together. We had built a strong open friendship that allowed each of us to share some of our innermost insecurities without feeling judged or ridiculed. Too many times we'd complete each others sentences. Even when we disagreed, we did so in a jokingly calm way. We weren't competing to dominate the relationship. We were extremely attracted to each other. He even said that his future sons would go to Morehouse. That statement alone made my heart smile beyond measure. We knew what the other was feeling without probing. We could always sense it. The feelings I felt for him or even when I was with him were a bit surreal.
I'm actually waiting for the email/text from him that says he's engaged. :-/ My hope is that I'm not a completely lost soul wandering around these streets looking to fill a spot that had already been temporarily occupied. My friends keep telling me that he wasn't my soulmate....so far, I beg to differ. But hey not every person marries his/her soulmate. Somehow they find someone they genuinely love and care for and make it work for the best. I surely hope that's not how my marriage turns out (if I choose to get married).
The good part in it all. . .there is always a lesson learned. Through my experiences with Brian "Mr. Soulmate", I learned quite a bit about myself. Since I'm familiar with the feeling, I know what I want in my potential mate, friendship above all things. I know that I cannot function in a relationship that lacks open and honest communication. I'm learning to take the truth more and realize that some things just aren't meant to be. . .maybe.
Who knows?!? Brian and I might meet up some place in the future after our mates have passed away....after the kids have grown up....after we have accomplished all of our major goals...and then spend the rest of lives together....It may not be 50 years but 5 years with Brian would be better than none.
~Romantiful (hopefully NOT a lost soul...still scared of lonely)
Monday, August 16, 2010
Soul Glow- - -
The other day I had a conversation with another one of my hopeless romantic friends and she told me about the possibility of her new boo. (Yeah I know it's lame BUT my friends and I talk about possible boos all the time.) Anyway, I mustn't digress. She told me about how persistent this guy was being but how she had reservations because he was shorter than she'd like him to be, not as cute as his friend, an alpha and a Muslim. So it dawned on me during my conversation with her that WE (people in general) are entirely TOO obsessed with the physical. Here my friend is just looking for love like the rest of us sensible people out here and she, like so many of us, concentrated on what she didn't like about him immediately. She later mentioned that he was a nice guy and that he actually took the time to plan dates for them and call her instead of texting. (Hey that's an important trait in this day and age.) Of all the issues she had with him, the only one that I could understand being a problem would be the Muslim one. I can see how religion might come in the way of leading a healthy life (down the line) with someone especially when it comes to raising children.
BUT why are we so obsessed with the physical????
I get it...that's our initial attraction to someone. It helps you stay interested. No one ever wants to be with someone who doesn't look good, generally speaking. But all those old sayings about beauty hold true. "Beauty fades." "Beauty's only skin deep." "Beauty's in the eye of the beholder." Who are we trying to impress anyway? If it's not ourselves, what difference does it make?
Now onto why this frustrated me so. . .
I am a firm believer in soulmates. (Just as most hopeless romantics are.) When I think about that one person who compliments me in a way no one else can or ever will, I admittedly do NOT imagine his physical attributes. Yes of course I'd like him to be attractive but when I think about who he is and what he represents, I am by no means thinking about the world's next sex symbol. So then it dawned on me, why is it that when we describe a person we like to our friends we start with the physical? Why is it that we are more inclined to give our number to those who look the best? It's frustrating...especially since damn near 90% of us will be fugly by the age of 50. (Personally, I'm going for the World's Best MILF award at around 50.)
All in all, let's take a step back people. Let's all examine the soul before we get caught up in the physical. Once you know the person, he/she always looks 10x better to you anyway. Besides, once you truly know them, it doesn't even matter what anyone else has to say about your partner because he/she will be the best thing to you since sliced bread. Just think about it...the beautiful couples never stay together for real (Halle and Eric, Brad and Jennifer, Usher and Chilli, Nick and Jessica). Now I'm not saying eliminate your standards...it's a must that YOU are attracted to this person...all I ask is that when you go promoting that person to your family and friends make sure you say things that make his/her soullllllllll glooooowwww! After all, it's all about the person within.
~Romantiful
BUT why are we so obsessed with the physical????
I get it...that's our initial attraction to someone. It helps you stay interested. No one ever wants to be with someone who doesn't look good, generally speaking. But all those old sayings about beauty hold true. "Beauty fades." "Beauty's only skin deep." "Beauty's in the eye of the beholder." Who are we trying to impress anyway? If it's not ourselves, what difference does it make?
Now onto why this frustrated me so. . .
I am a firm believer in soulmates. (Just as most hopeless romantics are.) When I think about that one person who compliments me in a way no one else can or ever will, I admittedly do NOT imagine his physical attributes. Yes of course I'd like him to be attractive but when I think about who he is and what he represents, I am by no means thinking about the world's next sex symbol. So then it dawned on me, why is it that when we describe a person we like to our friends we start with the physical? Why is it that we are more inclined to give our number to those who look the best? It's frustrating...especially since damn near 90% of us will be fugly by the age of 50. (Personally, I'm going for the World's Best MILF award at around 50.)
All in all, let's take a step back people. Let's all examine the soul before we get caught up in the physical. Once you know the person, he/she always looks 10x better to you anyway. Besides, once you truly know them, it doesn't even matter what anyone else has to say about your partner because he/she will be the best thing to you since sliced bread. Just think about it...the beautiful couples never stay together for real (Halle and Eric, Brad and Jennifer, Usher and Chilli, Nick and Jessica). Now I'm not saying eliminate your standards...it's a must that YOU are attracted to this person...all I ask is that when you go promoting that person to your family and friends make sure you say things that make his/her soullllllllll glooooowwww! After all, it's all about the person within.
~Romantiful
Thursday, August 12, 2010
No Contact- - -
So I told one of my dearest friends about my dilemna and as usual she offered her advice. Now I must say that my friend is pretty logical and intelligent. Although I rarely take advice from others, I readily hear her out and analyze her opinions to see how they can benefit me. This time, however, we were on two totally different ends. (And this is where our personalities differ.) She's more of an adventurous, go with the flow, free-spirited type and I'm more of the traditional, emotionally attached type. This mindset applies to most of our views on life's most important things (i.e. careers, friends, futures but mostly importantly LOVE).
In regards to my dilemna, she suggested that I go a few months without talking to the opposite sex in any way other than platonic. (My initial facial reaction: o_O and My first thought: ''She must be outside her mind!'') I continued to listen as she attempted to tell me that I was "selling myself short" and I needed some "alone time". Her argument was that ever since my breakup with Keith (aka "Mr. Not Ever") I continued to date. She said I needed to spend some time with myself, as in no dating, no mingling, no talking on the phone, no cuddling, loving or *ucking! (Yep, she's crazy right!?!? Who does that??? Only lonely bitches and virgins. . .and it's usually NOT by choice) She continued to try and prove her point and reasoning but I just could not hear the rest. We got off the phone abruptly and I haven't talked to her since.
After thinking about her advice for a couple of days, I must admit that some of it was true. I have been selling myself short. I am SUCH a hopeless romantic that I continue to get wrapped up in the "thought" of love or the "possibility" of romance. Consequently, when I like someone, I tend to give them my all because of this. I become jaded from the truths that are in front of my face. I make excuses for why things didn't go my way, usually blaming myself. I OVERanalyze. I basically ruin any potential for a good thing before it develops.
That being said, I vow from this day forward to just take my time. I'm not the one planning the wedding before our first date but I am the one getting uberexcited about the possibilities before I know the person. I attract really GREAT guys (go figure...haha) and I need to just take it slow. Sorry friend, I can't do no contact...then I'd be you. LOL! BUT I can guard my heart a little more and treat each guy as a platonic friend. That'll work best.(Now I just need to find a cut buddy....)
~Romantiful
In regards to my dilemna, she suggested that I go a few months without talking to the opposite sex in any way other than platonic. (My initial facial reaction: o_O and My first thought: ''She must be outside her mind!'') I continued to listen as she attempted to tell me that I was "selling myself short" and I needed some "alone time". Her argument was that ever since my breakup with Keith (aka "Mr. Not Ever") I continued to date. She said I needed to spend some time with myself, as in no dating, no mingling, no talking on the phone, no cuddling, loving or *ucking! (Yep, she's crazy right!?!? Who does that??? Only lonely bitches and virgins. . .and it's usually NOT by choice) She continued to try and prove her point and reasoning but I just could not hear the rest. We got off the phone abruptly and I haven't talked to her since.
After thinking about her advice for a couple of days, I must admit that some of it was true. I have been selling myself short. I am SUCH a hopeless romantic that I continue to get wrapped up in the "thought" of love or the "possibility" of romance. Consequently, when I like someone, I tend to give them my all because of this. I become jaded from the truths that are in front of my face. I make excuses for why things didn't go my way, usually blaming myself. I OVERanalyze. I basically ruin any potential for a good thing before it develops.
That being said, I vow from this day forward to just take my time. I'm not the one planning the wedding before our first date but I am the one getting uberexcited about the possibilities before I know the person. I attract really GREAT guys (go figure...haha) and I need to just take it slow. Sorry friend, I can't do no contact...then I'd be you. LOL! BUT I can guard my heart a little more and treat each guy as a platonic friend. That'll work best.
~Romantiful
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
My Dilemna- - -
The story goes there's this one girl me who likes more than one guy but her my heart isn't strong enough to pursue more than one at a time. So what's she to do?! Narrow it down.
I'll give youmy her top three..........(in no particular order, of course)
Numero Uno: Calvin "Mr. Just Like Me"
(Stats: Business Man, Hilarious, Understanding, Incredibly Adorable, Muscularly Scrumptious Body, Independent Thinker and Dominant Alpha Male)
~Calvin is one of the newer guys. He caught her attention from the very first time she laid eyes on him. Her friend had tried to hook her up with someone else but it was Calvin she was most physically attracted to. She played it cool the whole night....acting herself and having fun. (I read somewhere guys like that so kudos to her...lol) Then Calvin made his move. Numbers were exchanged...as well as lots of flirting. They left each other that night with a strong interest in one another and a guaranteed date within a couple of days. The date was horrible! (At least it started that way....) Somehow, more dates were scheduled....she saw Calvin on a regular basis for the next three months. They were both physically, intellectually and emotionally attracted to each other. Laughing was their favorite past time. Sarcasm was their best friend. (Now I could tell you all the negatives about Calvin but what fun would that be?!??) Let's just say that as time passes, she grows more attracted to him and wishes to share him with no one else. She voices this to him....well kind of...and she soon realizes that she and Calvin are NOT on the same page. What's she to do now!?
Numero Dos: Eugene "Mr. Got It Together"
(Stats: Consultant, Swanky Condo in Favorite City, Not Interested in Marriage Till Over 30, 4 Years Her Senior, Pursuing MBA at Top Tier School, Cute and Wise)
~Eugene and Romantiful met in July 2007 at a professional gathering with mutual friends. He was the "let's talk in a loud setting" type and she was the "I don't feel like being bothered" type. He asked for her number and she complied. That summer they spent a couple of days together but nothing too serious to write home to mom about. She went back to school and he stayed there. They maintained contact but nothing too serious....always constant flirting, though. In June 2008, she visited the city again and he was one of her priorities. ...only to find out that he had been in a relationship with someone for a couple of months... Hurt?!? MUCH! She got over him and the thought of possibly being with someone who complemented her well. He remained in his relationship nearly 2 yrs! (She had a boyfriend in the meantime...Keith "Mr. Not Ever", who will be addressed in a later blog) They constantly exchanged jokes about their futures, potential kids and the likes but never had a chance to pursue it. Just recently, Eugene (who lives 500 miles away) expressed sincere interest in seeing where their attraction could take them. What's she to do now?
Numero Tres: Xavier "Mr. You're My Little Secret"
(Stats: Workaholic, Better Looking With Hats On, Smile To Die For, Persistent, Amiable, Educated Bad Boy, Adventurous and Excellent Lover)
~They met at a mutual friend's house. They didn't initially start talking. It took him about 2 months to make a move on her. When he did, he used facebook as his tool. He reached out to her in a very dominating way, insisting he needed to talk to her because he was just THAT interested. She gave him her number and that next night they sat on the phone for 4 hours!!! She enjoyed his conversations most of all. He had a way of making her open up and helping her discovery parts of herself she had never exposed before. Just when she started to care deeply for him, she finds out he had a girlfriend! :-O She retreats...he finally tells her...She ignores him...They finally talk again... They had a scheduled date and he missed it. He stood her up! (There's a first for everything) He called her for the next 2 weeks straight (multiple times a day) before she answered. She heard him out but insisted it would not work between them. He betrayed her trust and that's the one thing she valued most. They dated other people...but always keep in contact. Then they started having sex. BIG MISTAKE! She longed for his penis more than his conversations. They parted ways....and things still remain the same. There's this undying attraction there because they never got a chance to pursue something quite so real. But she could never do long distance and they'll probably never live in the same city again. He's quite possibly the only skeleton in her closet. What's she to do now?!
HELP A GIRL OUT!!! Romantiful is thinking of dropping them all together. Each of them offer qualities she longs for in a soulmate. (Yes, she believes in soulmates...that'll be a post for another day.) It's possible to overcome some emotional feats to see a brighter future with her and one of them riding away into the sunset together. But what is she to do now?!?!
***This post written by Romantiful's friend***
I'll give you
Numero Uno: Calvin "Mr. Just Like Me"
(Stats: Business Man, Hilarious, Understanding, Incredibly Adorable, Muscularly Scrumptious Body, Independent Thinker and Dominant Alpha Male)
~Calvin is one of the newer guys. He caught her attention from the very first time she laid eyes on him. Her friend had tried to hook her up with someone else but it was Calvin she was most physically attracted to. She played it cool the whole night....acting herself and having fun. (I read somewhere guys like that so kudos to her...lol) Then Calvin made his move. Numbers were exchanged...as well as lots of flirting. They left each other that night with a strong interest in one another and a guaranteed date within a couple of days. The date was horrible! (At least it started that way....) Somehow, more dates were scheduled....she saw Calvin on a regular basis for the next three months. They were both physically, intellectually and emotionally attracted to each other. Laughing was their favorite past time. Sarcasm was their best friend. (Now I could tell you all the negatives about Calvin but what fun would that be?!??) Let's just say that as time passes, she grows more attracted to him and wishes to share him with no one else. She voices this to him....well kind of...and she soon realizes that she and Calvin are NOT on the same page. What's she to do now!?
Numero Dos: Eugene "Mr. Got It Together"
(Stats: Consultant, Swanky Condo in Favorite City, Not Interested in Marriage Till Over 30, 4 Years Her Senior, Pursuing MBA at Top Tier School, Cute and Wise)
~Eugene and Romantiful met in July 2007 at a professional gathering with mutual friends. He was the "let's talk in a loud setting" type and she was the "I don't feel like being bothered" type. He asked for her number and she complied. That summer they spent a couple of days together but nothing too serious to write home to mom about. She went back to school and he stayed there. They maintained contact but nothing too serious....always constant flirting, though. In June 2008, she visited the city again and he was one of her priorities. ...only to find out that he had been in a relationship with someone for a couple of months... Hurt?!? MUCH! She got over him and the thought of possibly being with someone who complemented her well. He remained in his relationship nearly 2 yrs! (She had a boyfriend in the meantime...Keith "Mr. Not Ever", who will be addressed in a later blog) They constantly exchanged jokes about their futures, potential kids and the likes but never had a chance to pursue it. Just recently, Eugene (who lives 500 miles away) expressed sincere interest in seeing where their attraction could take them. What's she to do now?
Numero Tres: Xavier "Mr. You're My Little Secret"
(Stats: Workaholic, Better Looking With Hats On, Smile To Die For, Persistent, Amiable, Educated Bad Boy, Adventurous and Excellent Lover)
~They met at a mutual friend's house. They didn't initially start talking. It took him about 2 months to make a move on her. When he did, he used facebook as his tool. He reached out to her in a very dominating way, insisting he needed to talk to her because he was just THAT interested. She gave him her number and that next night they sat on the phone for 4 hours!!! She enjoyed his conversations most of all. He had a way of making her open up and helping her discovery parts of herself she had never exposed before. Just when she started to care deeply for him, she finds out he had a girlfriend! :-O She retreats...he finally tells her...She ignores him...They finally talk again... They had a scheduled date and he missed it. He stood her up! (There's a first for everything) He called her for the next 2 weeks straight (multiple times a day) before she answered. She heard him out but insisted it would not work between them. He betrayed her trust and that's the one thing she valued most. They dated other people...but always keep in contact. Then they started having sex. BIG MISTAKE! She longed for his penis more than his conversations. They parted ways....and things still remain the same. There's this undying attraction there because they never got a chance to pursue something quite so real. But she could never do long distance and they'll probably never live in the same city again. He's quite possibly the only skeleton in her closet. What's she to do now?!
HELP A GIRL OUT!!! Romantiful is thinking of dropping them all together. Each of them offer qualities she longs for in a soulmate. (Yes, she believes in soulmates...that'll be a post for another day.) It's possible to overcome some emotional feats to see a brighter future with her and one of them riding away into the sunset together. But what is she to do now?!?!
***This post written by Romantiful's friend***
Just Getting Started- - -
Soooo after a couple of days of contemplation, I'm deciding to give this blog thing a try. There are a number of reasons but most importantly, I hate physical writing. I would love to keep a journal but my right hand hates the idea of such a task. She fights with me every time we get to page 2. Now I must admit....I write kind of big so page 2 for me is probably half a page for someone else. Since my hand and I disagree on the act of writing, at least my left hand can help in this blogging process. :)
That being said, let's start with a little about me. I'm a hopeless romantic who tends to see the jar as half full when it comes to my love life. I'm pretty analytical so I am well aware of my current love life status, which in itself is hopeless....(and there goes my "little")
On another note, my intentions with this blog are to convey my true feelings on love with every post I type. Hopefully, my stories remind you of yours and we can all come together and share our views and takes on love. I will warn you; however, I am a bit of a cornball. So while I intend to write from my heart and my funny bone, you may not laugh. I guarantee I will though and that's all that matters, right!??!? Ok ok...maybe not. Anyhow, I hope you're just as excited as I am about this journey.
Just a hopeless romantic....scared of lonely.
That being said, let's start with a little about me. I'm a hopeless romantic who tends to see the jar as half full when it comes to my love life. I'm pretty analytical so I am well aware of my current love life status, which in itself is hopeless....(and there goes my "little")
On another note, my intentions with this blog are to convey my true feelings on love with every post I type. Hopefully, my stories remind you of yours and we can all come together and share our views and takes on love. I will warn you; however, I am a bit of a cornball. So while I intend to write from my heart and my funny bone, you may not laugh. I guarantee I will though and that's all that matters, right!??!? Ok ok...maybe not. Anyhow, I hope you're just as excited as I am about this journey.
Just a hopeless romantic....scared of lonely.
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