Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Month of Love

It's been forever since I've updated this thing.  There's been so much going on that I just haven't had the time.  BUT I'M BACK SNITCHES!!!!! There's just so much to say that I don't even know where to begin.  So since I'm at work, I have to keep it short and I'll update you on the most pressing news. 

Remember my post about Brian aka "Mr. Soulmate"??? In that post, I said "I'm actually waiting for the email/text from him that says he's engaged.  :-/ " Ironically enough, even though I hadn't talked to him in a minute I still could sense that something was up.  I later saw pictures of his then girlfriend (now fiance') on facebook flashing her ring in her profile picture.  When I initially saw it, I was distraught.  I cried for at least an hour.  I was very very very depressed.  Was it true???  Were they really engaged???  Or was she the type to just wear a ring on that finger on THAT hand????  I needed answers SO. . .I called him.  He and I talked a few times that day.  Eventually I asked him about this potential engagement.  I lied and said I had dreamed about it.  I didn't want him to know I was a facebook stalker. He laughed and said "If I were engaged, you'd be one of the first people I'd tell." I'm usually good at picking up on bull crap but this time it slipped my radar. Maybe I just wanted to believe that he didn't actually love her and they couldn't actually be together...FOREVER!

Lo and behold, not too long after that I saw she changed her relationship status to "ENGAGED"....on facebook, any relationship status other than single warrants some excessive comments.  I went through the pictures and of course....I should have known....this negro lied to me! They were indeed engaged and had been so since the beginning of August!  Amazing!  I had become so jaded by this man that I believed everything he told me. 

Instead of moping about it, I decided it was time to release him from my life so I sent him an email entitled "Last Contact".  The email simply said,

"I hope this email finds you well.  I want you to know that the world is so small and with the addition of social networking it's at least ten times smaller.  As I was browsing facebook at work, (insert gf's name here)'s page came up because we have a few mutual friends.  Though I usually ignore such things because I don't usually know the person (or if I do, I'd rather not add them in the first place), I decided to click on her name.  I was able to view her profile pics and it looks like you've been engaged since at least August.  Wow.  What a contradictory statement to the one you made when I asked you if you were a little while ago.  I also sent you a text about this but you didn't respond...go figure.  However, today I will be deleting numbers from my phone and yours is one of them.  It was fun while it lasted.  I can't say that I have any regrets. Well, maybe. . .I probably would have cut it off like I anticipated back in January.  I was so stupid about the whole thing.  Oh live and you learn.  It looks like I served as a means of letting you know that she's the one for you.  I'd be interested in knowing how you came to that decision.  How did you realize you finally wanted to get married?  How did you propose?  You know....all that jazz.  I wish to know these things simply because I'm a romantic and any love story is interesting to me.

Although I'm interested, I do question the validity of the whole thing.  Initially, I had thoughts of sending her pics and texts you sent so that she'd know that you weren't all you said you were.  But those are just extreme thoughts that I would never turn into actions since I respect you. Plus, I don't believe if I sent her something she'd believe me or want to leave you.  Additionally, getting married is probably one of the best decisions you could make.  I'd hope you'd respect the institution of marriage set forth by God and His church so much so as to never engage in the cheating behaviors you have so repeatedly done in the past. 

All in all, I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and your life pursuits.  I wish we could have continued our friendship but maybe we'll catch up at some random place 50 years down the line...just to say hello.  Congratulations on everything.  It's been real."
 I felt good after sending this email.  I had released myself of any feelings I still had for this man.  I didn't even anticipate an email back.  I thought maybe. . .just maybe he might feel like a douche bag and not respond.  Fooled me. He replied and it said,
I wanted to respond to the stalker thing but that would have been too easy.  So on another note, at least we're done with that.  I hope he does change his life around.  I don't know her but I do know that any woman that stands by a guy like that deserves the best.  I truly do wish them nothing but eternal bliss and happiness to get them through the roughest of days. 
"Hey there

Actually it was in mid August.  Maybe right before the last time I spoke to you.  I was going to tell  then, but . . . . .I don't know.   When you sent the text, I think we were out of town.  But this is definatlly for the best.  I was feeling like I was spreading myself thin.  No need in going into a long explaination.  We've been through this many times before.  However, I don't think you give me enough credit for my analytical thinking or reasoning.  I wouldn't enter into something this with the intent of entertainig another (insert my age and alma mater here) grad.  I still say that our timing sucked.  NO regrets.  I still think you are an amazing young woman (a bit of a stalker no less).  So yeah, good luck on everything.  You deserve the best."

Coincidentally enough, I don't feel like I thought I would feel as described in my previous post.  I'm actually quite glad he and I didn't work out.  I deserve better.  He can be a great guy but I was definitely making excuses for him and his actions, attempting to make his situation work for me. I've learned that when it's my time, it's my time.  In the meantime, I will play, frolic and enjoy this emotional rollercoaster called love.